If someone developed a board game based on infertility treatments, it would go something like this…

Once you leave “Start,” move your token around the board by rolling X and Y-shaped dice. When you land on a space that says, “Try timed intercourse for three months,” you have to bypass three turns, each time only drawing a card that tells you whether that month was successful or not. (Only later do you learn that the deck was stacked against you and the deck contained only “Sorry, you missed ovulation!” cards.)

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You continue around the board trying low-tech options for a while, trying to achieve pregnancy and a healthy birth. One space tells you to take two turns to have a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis. Another space says, “Try hormone therapy for three turns.”

Since you aren’t landing on the right space (the one that flashes with the words “You’re Pregnant!”), you pull out a whole new board, a second level, which is balanced on top of the first like a second story parking garage. Level two now has you racing around the board faster (the years are slipping by), taking your first fertility drugs, trying inseminations, trying a different fertility drug, trying more inseminations. (Oh, did I mention that to move up to level two, you have to hand over 33% of the fake money you have in your possession.) And every time you land on “Take a New Fertility Drug,” you have to spin to see what effects this one will have on you: Hot flashes, Easily angered, Tired, Nauseous, Bloating, or No side effects. If you’re lucky, you’ll draw a card that says, “Go directly to Pregnancy, do not pass Go, but pay another $7,000.”

But if you still haven’t landed on the flashing space, it’s time for level three. Set the third board, “High-Tech Options,” on top of the second story. By now, you’re noticing that the game gets more unstable the higher it goes. You have to cautiously move your token around the board, making sure it doesn’t fall off the edge completely. You’re also required to turn in another 52% of your money, with an extra 12% of whatever remains being paid with each cycle around the board. By the way, level three must be played using only chopsticks to pick up the dice and to move your token around. This awkwardness represents the additional loss of control you feel at this stage of treatment. Now it’s time to try to land on ZIFT, GIFT, IVF-ET, ICSI, and other alphabet acronyms. If you land on ICSI without having landed on IVF-ET, then it doesn’t work, and you have to go another round. You continue on this level until the money runs out, until you fall off the edge, or until you land on Pregnancy.

When you started this game, five other players were making the same rounds as you. There was camaraderie, mutual encouragement, and even some laughter at the silly things you had to do. But as the levels have increased, some of the other players got lucky enough to land on Pregnancy. Then they had to draw another card to see if it resulted in “Healthy Delivery!” If not, they went back to the level they had previously been on, paid more money, continued more cycles. Eventually, some players hit the jackpot and drew the right card.

The object of the game isn’t to see who lands on Pregnancy first. The object is for everyone to eventually land on it, and then draw the Healthy Delivery! card. When the last person achieves a healthy delivery, it’s time to play another game, but that one has existed for a long time. It’s called Life!