It was a time when we both wondered what we had
done to deserve this. God had answered our prayers by bringing us
together, so where was He now? Jeff was able to pray through it more than
I could. I wanted to know where God had gone and why He didn’t allow me to
get pregnant! (Joy)
We inadvertently think a close walk with God will give us some assurance of getting out of life the major things we hope for: health, a happy marriage, healthy children, and at least the basics in food, water, and shelter. When a major foe enters the picture—like cancer, job loss, or infertility—it doesn’t take long for us to judge our experiences as unjust and unfair.
“I don’t understand, God” and “I don’t understand God”
The intersection between faith and the quest for parenthood is wrought with questions, many of them being “if…then” questions:
If God loves me, then why isn’t He giving us a child?
If I’m a believer, then why isn’t God answering my prayer?
If we’re committed to
raising a child in a godly home, then why can’t we have a
If I’m doing my part
as a Christian, then why isn’t God doing His part as provider?
These questions fall into the category of “I don’t understand God’s ways.” No kidding. We don’t understand why God gives babies to unmarried movie stars, to child abusers, and to people who won’t give a child a stable, loving home. Just this week in our city, a well-to-do CPA shot his two daughters, ages 6 and 9, in the head, because he wanted to permanently hurt his ex-wife. Why did God allow a man like that to be a parent?
Instead of chasing that rabbit, let’s move to the bigger
issue: Why does God let bad things (like infertility) happen to good
people (like Christians)? That question naturally takes us to others: Why
do so many bad people have rampant fertility? Why does pain afflict those
who choose righteousness, who try valiantly to live according to the
lifestyle described in God’s Word?
Other topics covered in this chapter:
Learning to live without understanding
*Did someone come to know Christ because of my pain?
*Did I experience personal spiritual renewal because of walking through this valley?
*Did someone return to their walk with God after seeing what
we’ve been through?
Trying to find the reason why is really just searching for a spiritual/psychological Band-Aid® to stick on your heart and mind. Seeing that God brought something good out of our pain will (we hope) help us to balance those scales of eternal justice. “Oh, so that’s why God allowed it.”
So how does God work?
More questions that bug us
1. Is my infertility a
punishment because of a past sin in my life?
2. Questions related to
“broken” areas of our lives.
4. Where’s God in all
5. Does God still love
me (because I sure don’t feel loved)?
After enduring infertility, we couldn’t believe that God would then allow our new baby to have significant medical problems. As we left the children’s hospital after learning that Ryan was profoundly deaf, I realized that the previous medical wallops had really taxed my spiritual reserves. This one, though, had sapped the leftovers; I’d never felt more spiritually empty in my life. I broke the stunned silence as we drove home: “You know, Eddie, through all the difficulties, I never questioned that God still loved me. But right now, I sure don’t feel very loved. God’s way of expressing love must be completely different than what I’ve always thought it was….
6. Is it okay to be angry with God?
Communicating with God…in silence
How other couples have survived spiritually
|All excerpts from "Infertility: A
Survival Guide for Couples and Those Who Love Them,"
2002 by New Hope Publishers, Birmingham, Alabama. Unless
otherwise noted, all Scripture references are from the Holy Bible,
New International Version,
1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission
of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. |