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Most infertile couples have a war story or two of how they found out about someone else’s pregnancy. The shock of the news is the hardest thing to process and being presented with it in public places puts us in a difficult position: Everyone else is full of immediate excitement, but we’re shocked that pregnancy has, once again, happened for someone else, but not us. Here are some tips for breaking the news gently: |
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Don’t let us hear of your pregnancy through the grapevine just because you don’t quite know how to tell us face to face. It’s far more painful for us to hear it from someone else. We will greatly appreciate the fact that you trust us with your news and that you love us enough to make sure we’re not caught off guard during the announcement. Survivor's Quote: My sister-in-law and a close friend are very fertile with six (yes, six) children each. I feel very blessed that they were sensitive to my situation. When each of them became pregnant during my infertility treatments, they told me first so that I would hear it directly from them instead of someone else. (Paula) If you plan to make the announcement in a group setting, tell us prior to the event. Give us a day or so before the event to process the information and pull ourselves together emotionally. We really want to be supportive of you, but please understand that our emotions are a little unpredictable right now. Survivor's Quote: We spent a lot of time with my brother and his wife, and they knew what we were going through. When they did get pregnant, they came to us privately to tell us their news. It was the first time we were able to openly express with another couple our joy for them and our sorrow for ourselves. They shared our tears, and as a result, we were able to share their joy. Two years after the birth of their son, they were at our door again, and the process was repeated. By the second time, we were nearing the end of our infertility pursuits. So many people knew that we had been trying for years to get pregnant, that no one really seemed to consider our feelings anymore. But even after all the years, my brother and his wife remained sensitive. It was wonderfully reassuring to know that they had not forgotten what we were experiencing. (Angela and Jim) Tell us privately, not at a restaurant or in a hallway at church. Share your news somewhere that’s out of the public eye, somewhere that allows us to ask you some questions, and maybe even get a little teary-eyed without being self-conscious.
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